Rantings Of A Mad Rodent

I remember not too long ago, single men were the envy of us married men. Not so today. Actually, we married men kinda feel sorry for single men. The games are pretty much the same, but the prices have gone up. Alot! And if you're a single "regular" guy, forget it! Nowadays, athletes and other celebrities are more accessible than they were when I was on the circuit, and you have guys going broke trying to keep up with them. Women claim that a man's position and wealth are unimportant, but and I both know that that's bullshit. If she's looking for a husband, maybe, but if she's just looking for a good time, then she ain't looking for you! Don't get me wrong, back in the 80's, we had our share of things to deal with as well. Particularly dope dealers with gobs of cash to throw around. How in the fuck is a poor shmuck working in the credit department of Rich's Dept. store supposed to compete with that?! The best I could offer at the time was a dance, a drink, my phone number, and a promise to call the next day. Not too enticing when compared to a pimped out Mercedes Benz, a gaudy necklace, a bucket of champagne, and a night at the Ritz Carlton. And oh, did I mention his wad of 20 dollar bills?

You can't really blame the women for going for the "BBD" (bigger better deal). Sadly, after a woman has sown her wild oats, she has to leave town to find a husband. She's not gonna find one among the regualer Joes she passed on. Afterall, we've witnessed her oat sewing. Hey, we guys are shallow, sue us! Anyway, back to the single guys. I hear all of my single friends complain about the offerings these days, and they are not enthused about their prospects of finding the "one". They claim that they aren't looking for "the one", but again, bullshit! Some have even said that they envy me! My wife and I have been together 18 years, and I wouldn't go back to being single save my life!

The club scene? Forgeddaboutit! I've gone to a few clubs, and I've got to tell you, that's one of the saddest fucking scenes I've witnessed. Guys walking around with a hint of desperation in their eyes, women engaging 2 or 3 guys at a time, making sure that they don't let "Mr. Right Now" get away, and the mind numbing crap that they dee jay is spinning. I've actually seen a guy buy a girl a drink, and while he was paying the bartender, she was actually heading to the dancefloor with ANOTHER dude! Drink buyer turned around, shook his head, and walked off. To funniest thing is watching a guy walking around wearing a nice new suit with a bottle of Moet and 2 glasses, looking for a woman to drink with. Apparently, rock bottom has a dress code!

I guess it's the basic rituals of young adulthood. Oh wait, did I say "young adulthood"? Hmm, then what about the 40 year old guy in baggy jeans? Oh shit, there's another, and another! Just when I thought things couldn't get any sadder, middle aged Fubu shows up. Middle aged Fubu was probably one of those 20 year old guys who said, "Fuck being married!", and now he's having to make a damned fool out of himself by trying to "dress young" to compete in today's club scene. But hey, atleast he's single!