A LETTER TO THE "OTHER" WOMAN, FROM A MARRIED MAN.
10 commentsHello ladies, you may not know me, but I know you. I know more about you than you know about yourselves. I've seen many of you throw away the one thing you can't replace or get back: time. You don't seem to value it that much, according to what I've seen. I've met many a woman that has gotten involved with married men, in hopes him leaving his wife. Some even going to the extent of bearing his child. By the time she realizes that she's been played, she's got 2 of his kids, no husband, an extra 30 pounds, and no good prospects of finding a man of her own. Why? Because she's spent ALL of her good years chasing and waiting for what wasn't hers. All of the time she pissed away waiting on theirs, she could've used finding hers. Does that sound productive to you?
It actually breaks my heart to see that, so I'm going to try to save you some time, and along with it, heartache, frustration, and your youth. You see, when your married boyfriend tells you that he'll leave his wife for you, you guys ALWAYS fall for it, even when you know he's lying! You're like Charlie Brown running to kick the football. You know that he's going to pull the ball away, but you run towards it anyway, hoping that maybe, just maybe, this time he'll do it. Stop it!!!
Let me let you in on something, it ain't happening! You know it ain't happening, but you really don't understand why it ain't happening. If you had an inkling of why, maybe you'll be more resistant to falling for it. I'm going to tell you why. Here goes: Do you women know how hard it is for a man to decide to make a woman "The One"? Do you know the amount of BS and "tests" a woman has to put up with and pass, before she is deemed worthy of marriage material? I'm sure some of you do. Especially if a guy has a great single life, he's going to make damn sure that that woman is worth giving that all up for. By the time he decides that she is "The One", he has put her through all kinds of stuff, because we need to know that she has our back when times get hard.
Which leads us to why a married man isn't leaving his wife for you. After we've found what we think is the perfect woman for us, do you honestly think that we'd leave her for a side piece? Do you really believe that we would leave our proven life partner for an unproven commodity? You, Ms. Other Woman, have not been put through any of the proving stages. Yeah, you may be good in bed. So good in fact, that you were worth lying to to keep it going. So good, it was worth telling you that he loves you, you're better than his wife (you actually may be), and that he might leave her for you. In reality, the sex is good, but it ain't "leave my wife" good. Sure, we'll tell you that it is, but it ain't. Sorry to sound so blunt, but it is what it is. I've been happily married for 18 years, and I have yet to meet a woman that I would even think about leaving my wife for, let alone doing it! And for the record, no, I don't cheat on her. Women are a pain to be with sometimes, why would I get 2 of them?! I'm more than happy with my one. The One.
Ladies, think of it this way: Let's say that you have an authentic $800 Chloe' handbag. It may be old, but it's authentic, reliable, and yours. You've had that Chloe' handbag for years, and it still looks good. No way will you let it go. One day you happen to come across a beautiful $30 Marc Jacobs knockoff. It's flashy, looks good on your arm, and it's a crowd pleaser. It's worth taking to the club, or even buying a whole new outfit just to match it, but it's a short term thing. It is a $30 knockoff, afterall. You know that when it's time to represent, you're grabbing your go to bag, the $800 Chloe'. The Chloe' has never let you down. The $30 Marc Jacobs knockoff was cute to wear around for a minute, but it ain't got nothing on your authentic Chloe' that you paid $800 for, and it's going to win out everytime if you have to choose between the 2. It was, for lack of a better term, your "side piece".
Do you still think he's gonna leave his wife for you now?
Posts
June 25, 2009 12:11 PM
Damn, that's deep, but so so true.
July 3, 2009 11:08 AM
As a single (divorced) parent who is dating, I'm kind of curious (and amused over) what "tests" a man puts a woman through to determine if she's "the One"?
July 9, 2009 12:27 AM
Very well written and also true. I have to say, as a woman, you're not giving us enough credit. Deep down, virtually every 'side piece' knows that he's never going to leave his wife.
The problem is that nasty little thing 'hope'. Where there's hope, there's a chance and women will cling to that, no matter what, because when we love, we love with everything we are and hope encourages us to think that our love will be enough.
Sadly, too many women never realise that hope is a lie when it comes to this situation and they do waste their entire lives on false promises. I don't think that will ever change. It would take for women to give up on hope, and I don't think it's in our nature to do so.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and expressing them so clearly. On a side note - I found out about your letter via the Unsent Letters blog, and as is stated there, it's a shame you didn't submit this letter, because it's a dead cert for publication.
July 9, 2009 3:14 AM
My ex-husband left me for the "other woman". He had been having an affair with her for nine months when I discovered the affair. The anguish of it nearly killed me, as I truly loved him and had devoted my life to him.
Interestingly, he began his affair with Heather when I was diagnosed with a rare auto-immune disease. When things got rough, I guess he just couldn't handle it. In any case, it's a good thing he did cheat, as now I have the most adoring and wonderful husband in the world - a million times the man my ex ever was.
I just wanted to let you and your readers know that, yes, it does happen. Maybe not often, but cheaters sometimes do slink away with the skanks they cheat with. And, thank goodness - because, wives, listen up - they're not worth having back anyway!
July 9, 2009 6:33 AM
It is nice to read about the other perspective.
July 9, 2009 7:10 AM
This is such an awesomely written post. I have had to talk to a few "other" women in the past and actually used the Charlie Brown reference myself because it's so true.
But these women won't listen to another female saying the things in this post. Maybe they'd pay more attention knowing it was coming from a married man.
July 13, 2009 4:27 PM
I think your letter is great. Very to the point. I had a co-worker that was involved with a married man, for years... he told her from the beginning he was never going to leave his wife for her... she kept waiting. I used to ask her when she would get mad that he was with his wife and children instead of her why she was mad? She used to tell me that is was because she had spent all these years waiting for him and how much longer did he think she was going to wait, how much longer did he think she was going to be the "side piece." I would then laugh and look at her and say, "He is never going to leave her for you. He told you that years ago when you started seeing him, yet you stayed. He has been honest with you from the start... either accept being number 2 or move on."
See, sometimes, even when the man is honest with the other woman she doesn't listen.
I don't know that I agree with the whole "test" thing that men put us through to make us "the one," because if what you said there was true men would never divorce... they would fight for their marriage... and with a 50% divorce rate in the US... I am not thinking your testing procedures are all that stringent.
Be happy with the one you marry. Accept them for who they are and don't try to change them. Talk to each other, be honest with one another and make your marriage your priority. Keep "the One" you have.
August 8, 2009 3:32 PM
When the man don't leave the wife sometimes the wife will leave him when she finds out. An observant wife always does find out. I'm a wife who is about to walk out. He cheated on me before Years ago we have been together for 11 years its all about to end. Yes I know about the girl next door the phone sex sessions he holds when I'm asleep. Do I give him enough in the sack yes I do. Do i cook for him and clean yes I do. Does he love me yes he does am I enough for him No I am not I never was.
September 27, 2010 7:04 PM
thanks i enjoyed reading.
October 19, 2010 11:01 AM
Great letter, and painful. As Witchmojo said its that little ounce of hope that serves as a monkey wrench thrown into your heart -- it won't go away.