Rantings Of A Mad Rodent

I was in Guitar Center one day to mess around with a few bass guitars. I grabbed this Ibanez ATK, and started to play some of my favorite riffs. I played a few riffs by Victor Wooten (well, the ones I could actually play!) and the Woody Woodpecker riff by Les Claypool. It was then that this young bass player approached me, and told me that that was the kind of bass player he wanted to be when he finally joins a band: flashy. Ah, youth!

I showed him how to play a few riffs, and then I asked him to do me a favor. I asked him to go see some live bands that weekend, and get back in touch with me. He called me Tuesday to tell me that he saw 3 really good bands. The music was good and they all had great bass players. Then I asked him how many flashy Vic Wooten/Les Claypool licks did he hear. After about 4 seconds of silence, he said that he'd heard none. "That's the point.", I told him.

Yeah, Vic Wooten has mind blowing licks, but he can also sit in on a jazz jam session. Les Claypool has an array of tricks, but he also has the groove and pocket to sit in on an Allman Brothers tribute album. You know why they have that ability? Because it's about the groove and the song, not their tricks! Just concentrating on being strictly a flashy player, is like having all frosting and no cake. People will look at it, but nobody's gonna buy it. Yeah, other bass players will be floored by your flashy riffs and talk about you to other bass players, but they'll never recommend you for a gig. Trust me on this.

Learning this great instrument of ours take lots of time and hard work. Do you place so little value on your time and hard work, that you would spend it trying to be someone else, instead of a better you? Really? Taking up the bass is a noble and proud thing to do, but remember; we are the foundation on which the house is built. Here's something else to think about: when Flea sits down to practice, he's not trying to be the next so and so, he's trying to become a better him. As for that young bass player? He told me that he landed a blues/rock gig. I guess he realized that having a solid pocket was an even better trick, and the groove became more important to him.

Question: Why is it that when we black folks decide to recognize our African roots, we use Egyptian symbols? People are walking around with ankh tattoos, pyramid charms, and one guy even calls himself "Kemet". Well, guess what? WE AIN'T FROM THERE! I understand that we didn't learn anything about the west coast of Africa (where most slaves were from) in school, but we just can't latch on to ancient Egyptian symbols, just because it convenient and popular. Truth be told, we look like damned fools. Hell, some Egyptians don't even consider themselves African. They prefer to be called Middle Eastern. Before you go marking up your bodies and buying jewelry, how about really learning something about yourselves?

West Africa supplied the majority of the slaves that went to work in the Caribbean and America. The strip of land in West Africa that used to be called the Gold coast and the Grain Coast is the location for modern African countries such as Ghana, Togo and Benin. Other countries that supplied slaves were Senegal, Guinea, Sierra Leone, Liberia, Nigeria and Angola. Notice that I didn't mention Egypt. Some guys like to claim that they're Mandingo or Ashanti. Chances are, you ain't one of those either. Slave traders steered clear of both tribes, because the Mandingoes from Senegal were clever and able to steal the master’s goods. They also said that the Ashanti from the Gold Coast were good workers but likely to stir up rebellion. So, guess who they brought over? You.

If you want to reclaim and be proud of your African heritage, learn more about West Africa. Many slaves came out of such Sierra Leone tribes as the Limba Timine, Bulom, Loko, Kono, Sherbro, and Mende. Those from Liberia included the Gbande, Manon, Kpelle, Gyo, Gola, Vai, Ge, De, Basa, Kru, and Grebo. Stop trying to make yourselves look hip and enlightened by displaying Egyptian symbolism. You look like an idiot. You know why? Because we ain't from there!

"Many intelligent black men seem,
To look uncivilized when on the screen.
Like I guess I figure you,
To be some jiggaboo,
On the plantation. What else can a nigga do?"

That was my favorite line by Big Daddy Kane from Ice Cube's "Burn Hollywood, Burn". You know, back in the 70's, 80's, and 90's, black movie fans decried the negative roles being offered to black actors in Hollywood. If a black actor was in a film, and if they didn't have a white love interest, you know that they were going to be playing the part of a criminal, junkie, or buffoon.

We were so pissed off, that we screamed, "Fuck Hollywood!", "We need our own studios!", and "The Jews are running Hollywood, and making us look bad! We need to make our own movies!". Well, let's talk about that. We did make our own movies, and what were they about? Gangstas, drug dealers, and rappers participating in some type of baboonery. Maybe we didn't like the Jews making us look bad, but we didn't care if we made ourselves look bad, because we LOVED those movies. Well, some of us didn't. We had a few directors like John Singleton and Spike Lee that made positive movies, but for the most part, it was the same old same old. Enter Tyler Perry.

Now I'll admit, I'm not the biggest Tyler Perry fan, but I totally respect what he's trying to do. This man came in and made movies that try to show us in a positive light, and all he got in return and arrows hurled in his direction. Some were even shot by other black directors. They called him a "coon", not realizing that this "coon" employs more black people in Hollywood than anyone else. Especially the other black directors that attacked him. Yeah, I'll admit his movies can be somewhat corny, but at least he ain't portraying us as pimps, ho's, and drug dealers. Plus, he's a good business man: he gives his audience what they want! I heard on guy criticize Perry's movies, and then said, "What happened to the good movies like New Jack City, Juice, and Sugar Hill?". Really, dawg? Give me a break!

I recently read a black critic's review of "Just Wright", starring Queen Latifah and Common, and he slammed it. He called it a "corny love story". He also complained that it had no profanity in it. Really, black movie goers, what in the hell do you want? You don't want us being portrayed as buffoons and criminals, and all of the positive roles being offered by black directors, you think are corny. You can't have it both ways.