2009-07-21

THINGS I'VE NOTICED LATELY  

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The people who "don't watch BET", can tell you the most about their shows.

The people who don't want their tax dollars to "pay for someone else's health care", had no problem with the corporate bailouts.

The people who criticized Al Sharpton and called him a "hater" for not being an early endorser of Obama, are now criticizing Obama.

There's been a shortage of funny white comedians lately. God, I miss Mitch Hedburg and Richard Jeni! Thank God, for Ron White!

The black people who "saw Bill Clinton's true colors" during the 2008 primary, quickly lost sight of them when he joined their fraternity.

The people who want to see a Jackson family tour and buy dvd's of Michael Jackson's rehearsal footage, are the same people that are saying, "Joe's trying to make money off of Michael!".

The women who said that Steve McNair deserved to be killed for cheating on his wife, are the same ones that said Rhianna should not have been harmed, regardless of what she did.

The people who said, "Obama is going to be the President of America, not Black America!", now want him to speak on reparations.

The businesses that are saying that their companies can't afford to pay its workers $7.25/hr, said that same thing about $6.55/hr.

If you talked about Farrah Fawcett's bad parenting, or Ronald Reagan's crooked deeds, it's disrespectful. Talk about Michael Jackson's legal troubles, it's "part of the story".

2009-07-18

HONEYMOON'S END  

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Well, it seems for most of us, the honeymoon's over. The post Obama election bliss is starting to wane. For the clear thinking, we knew it would end. For the emotionally involved, not so much. They're still holding out hope for the "change" we've heard so much about. Make no mistake, we were all sucked in, sadly, not all of us are able to become "unsucked", so to speak. Once we became "unsucked", we began to ask questions. We saw that Israel got their yearly $12 billion stocking stuffer, and the corporate pimps got their usual payments from their government bitches working the corners, and now we're (the American people AND the black community) are asking, "Where's ours?".

Well, where is it?! Once again, my fellow suckers, we'll be stuck in that pumpkin patch with Linus awaiting the Great Pumpkin, and he ain't coming! When Obama was campaigning, he looked right into our collective eyes, and promised a solid plan to save the homes of those that were on the verge of losing them, and what did we get? Let's see, the banks got billions upon billions of dollars to lend, the executives got 5 & 6 figure bonuses and 2 spa retreats, and those people on the verge of losing their homes got a 30 extension, which ended in February.

Basically, we went to the polls in November, scratched a lottery ticket, and saw "Not a winner this time. Please play again.". So, you're telling me that it never occurred to them to just pay off the homes? Doing that would have accomplished what they claimed they were setting out to do. Helping the banks to get rid of inventory and becoming more solvent to have more cash to lend, and saving the homes of the people. Assuming that is, those were really their intentions. I suspect that it wasn't. Hell, to sell their case, we were promised a website that we can log onto to monitor where our money was going. Hmm, it's www., uh, oh yeah, that's right! THERE IS NO WEBSITE FOR US TO LOG ONTO TO MONITOR WHERE OUR MONEY IS BEING SPENT!!!!

Then you have us in the black community that are asking, "Okay, what are gonna do for us?". "Surely, if you can give Israel their usual $12 billion payoff and billions for the corporations, for who knows what, there's gotta be something in that bag for us!". So far, nada. Of course we know that Obama's the President for all of America, and not just Black America, but somehow, when he's doling out loot to other people, noone seems to bring that up. Noone ever says, "He's the President of America, not corporate/Jewish America!". Funny that. I keep bringing up Israel, because after he was sworn in, there were alot of Jews asking, "What's he gonna for Israel?", not only were the Jews asking that, but so were alot of the talking heads on these so called news programs. "What's he gonna do for Israel?"?! Uh, he's not the President of Israel, why should he have to do anything, but I digress.

Anyway, people are thinking that, just because he appointed blacks to high profile positions (Atty. Gen., Surgeon Gen., Head of NASA), that that should somehow pacify us. It doesn't. Obama says that we blacks are going to have start doing for ourselves, and I agree. But if that's the case, why are we still sending $12 billion to Israel, and bailing out corporations? Are they not in a position to "do for themselves", like he thinks that we are? Shit, 134 billion of AIG's money went to Goldman Sachs, because they owed Goldman Sachs money! Why wasn't AIG told to "do for self"? Where's the consistency?

I'm not anti Obama. In fact, I'm far from it. But there comes a time when you have to stop being proud, and start being observant. Most of us refuse to do that. Sadly, to most of my people, looking at Obama with a critical eye, is akin to slapping white Jesus across the forehead with a 2x4. And to all of the people criticizing Obama and calling him a liar for not asking about reparations, get over yourselves! He never said that he would. In fact, he said that he was against it. It seem like some of you are trying to get him to deliver on promises he never made. It's cool to be critical, without being stupid about it.

Seeing my fellow black folks attacking us for asking questions about Obama, reminds me of those buffoons that follow that junkie Rush Limbaugh. The same people upset with me questioning Obama, are the same people that were criticizing Bush's followers for being blind loyalists. Here's my advice to y'all: Go to the window and take in the view of the beach one last time. Tomorrow, you'll be on a plane heading back home. The honeymoon's over!

ATTENTION "INDEPENDENT" WOMEN  

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Over the last 20 something years, I've heard many of my sisters claim, "Black men are intimidated by an independent black woman!". Wrong!!! And then there's the comical, "I don't need no man for nothing! I can do it all by myself!". Years later, that's exactly what you end up doing, "it" by yourselves! Somehow, you guys have confused "independent" with "bitter". My wife holds it down! She's got 2 degrees, a great job, and she's one helluva mother and wife. Could she get it done by herself if she had to? Of course. Does that "intimidate" me? Not at all. In fact, it doesn't intimidate any of us. Those are the types of women we look for. My wife, and women like her, don't feel the need to tell people how together they are every chance they get. You know, the real independent women. If you are truly "independent", you wouldn't have to shout it every time you go out in public. It sounds like you're trying to convince yourselves, not us.

To the sisters that love to proclaim that they are intimidating to us men, I'll let you in on a little secret, WE DON'T WANT YOU!!! You see, the majority of the women that yell that crap, are the ones with either baby daddy issues, can't compete with the real women, or just can't find a good man, due to them being bitter. Being bitter and having an airplane full of emotional baggage, does not make you "strong and independent", it makes you a bitter woman with emotional baggage. Instead of looking for a mate, maybe y'all should be trying to find a bellhop! It's not that we are intimidated by you, we just don't wanna hear that garbage. It's not that you can't find a "good man", you can't find a "good man" that can tolerate your bitterness. I also find it funny, that after 3 kids by 3 different men, all of a sudden "you don't need no man". Guess what, sweetie? Finding a man should be the least of your troubles.

Now, to all of you truly independent and strong women, I think some of you are reading us all wrong. Enough of this, "Today's men are weak, and put off by my success." garbage. Stop blowing smoke up your own asses. You don't scare anyone with your success. In fact, you become more appealing. You know that cute guy at Happy Hour that didn't talk to you? Here's probably why: When we're working our way through school, or trying to make our way in this world, we realistically know that types of women that we can get. Well, atleast some of us do. Anyway, when we see a beautiful sister who's a partner in a law firm, or any woman earning close to six figures and above, we know that we have nothing to offer her at that time. We know that we have to have our shit together before we even think about stepping to you, and as long as we realize that we're a work in progress, what's the point in wasting your time and ours? Besides, most of you don't want a work in progress, you want a man that has something to bring to the table now. Why do you think we've been seeing all of these "Women: Are We Sleeping on Our Own Obama?" blog posts lately? We nay not be in a position to bring anything to the table at that time. You guys are so caught in your self worship, that you don't see that. It's not "intimidation", it's being realistic on our part.

We applaud you women for being beautiful, strong, and successful. Trust me, I'm a guy and it's all we talk about when describing our dream wife. As long as you continue to perceive us as being intimidated by your success, you'll continue to have this same tired ass discussion with your girlfriends while snarfing down 10 cent buffalo wings and margarita specials at Happy Hour. Even that thought is more intimidating that you think you are.

2009-07-07

FUNK PUDDIN': FORGOTTEN FUNK PIONEERS  

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One of my favorite funk bands of all time is Funk Puddin'. They came out around the same time as bands like Slave, Pleasure, The Ohio Players, Parliament/Funkadelic, Heatwave, and The Commodores, so they were easily overlooked. Some say that they were the major influence of all of the more famous funk bands, and others will tell you that the more famous funk bands ripped them off. I was fortunate enough to catch up with Funk Puddin's bassist, guitarist, and co founders, Leonard "Thump" Thompson and John "Butter Licks" Mayfield. We talked about funk, today's music, and of course, "The Puddin".

Q: Thump Thompson and Butter Licks Mayfield! Man, you guys were my favorite band! What've you been up to?

Thump: Man, you know, just trying to keep the legacy of The Puddin' alive to let these youngins know where it came from.

Butter Licks: Just funkin', pretty much.

Q: I see y'all still rocking the funk boots.

Butter Licks: Wouldn't be funkin without 'em!

Q: I hear that! Listen, let's get right to it. Did you guys ever think about the big hits other bands got by pretty much ripping y'all off?

Thump:Man, them cats. You know what? If they would've, uh,... shit......, admitted what they did, I would've been cool wit it, ya' know? Funk is a family thing, share and share alike, dig? But when you turn "What's the Answer" into "Fancy Dancer", or "Funk Hurricane" into "Mary Jane", and don't give propers, then....

Butter Licks (interupting):Look here man, it's like this; them cats knowed they stole them grooves! They knowed they stole 'em! Check this out here; I come up to you, right? And I say, "Say man, I heard yo' cut 'Flashlight', and you don't mention our song "Ass is Right', you must be feelin' guilty 'bout somethin'! Am I lyin'?! Am I lyin'?

Q:So not one band, to this day, has given you guys credit?

Thump: Nope!

Q:Wow! You guys were from Salt Lake City? That's an odd city for a funk band.

Butter Licks:Yeah, they said the same thing about Minneapolis too! We went through there around, shit, '74 was it?

Thump: I think it was '76.

Butter Licks: You sho'? Okay, yeah it was '76. Anyway, we get there, and we had a friend that lived there, helluva keyboard player! So, he shows up with his kid, a real fluffy looking kid, ya' know? Nothin' against the gays, they buy records too, but you know, it was...strange. Now I ain't one to tell a brother how to raise his son, but letting yo' son wear boots and lace and shit, was way out there for me, dig? I seen't some shit in my day, but nothin' like that! Plus he had this hair. Shit, he was prettier than the broads we had sangin' background. Called hisself Kang or somethin'

Thump: Prince

Butterlicks: Yeah, that's it, Prince! Anyway, we do the gig, and the peoples wanted an encore. Well, we just fied everybody the week before over some shit about cocaine, so everybody in the band was new. We had this new cut we was workin' on, "Little Red Chevette", and since the the guys knew it, shit, we did that. The people were groovin' to it too! I remember that little sugary nigga going crazy.

Q: Is that where Prince got "Little Red Corvette" from?

Butter Licks:Hell you tell me! Same car company, same color.

Thump:Hell man, all them cats stole from us! Rick James, Dazz Band, Michael Jackson, all of 'em! The kid is not your son? How 'bout that ain't yo' bassline either! Dazz Band talkin' 'bout "Let It Whip", how 'bout I whip y'all's ass?!

Q:Hey man, is that necessary?

Thump:What's the matter, Woody, too real for ya'?

Q:It's not that. I know these guys, and....

Thump:Oh, you scared you won't get no more interviews! Sucker ass sucker!

Q:Was that called for?

Thump:
Was what called for, you bein a bitch?

Q;(sigh) Moving right along. So, what do you think of today's funk?

Thump:Them bitches ain't funkin', they fakin!

Q:So what's next for Funk Puddin'?

Butter Licks:I hear funk's making a comeback, and the new album is ready to go.

Q:New album?!

Thump:It's called "Sit in my Lap". It's gonna let people know about the real Puddin'.

Butter Licks:Prepare to be funked! We got most of the original guys back too.

Thump: 'Cept Gary.

Butter Licks: Yeah, 'cept Gary. He dead. We also doing the Twitter!

Q:That's great to hear! So where can we get the new album?

Butter Licks:Man shit, it's on the innerwebs. My granddaughter know how to do it. Gimme yo number. I'll call you wit it.

Q:Okay. Thank you for taking time out for me today. I look forward to see y'all play again. anything you wanna say before we sign off?

Thump:Yeah, we know and y'all know y'all stole them grooves. Next time I see, I'ma have my pistol. I'm putting hot lead in y'all's asses! Get that new album. Go to, shit, what's that web thang again?

2009-07-05

UH, WE DIDN'T CREATE THAT ROCK  

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I love how my brothers and sisters are quick to yell, "We created that!", whenever someone plays a modern rock song. True, we created rock n roll, but not everything that rock n roll encompasses. Let's break it down, shall we? There are 3 main people that get credited with rock n roll's creation, depending on who you ask. They are saxophonist Louis Jordan, Chuck Berry, and Little Richard. Elvis Presley, "The King of Rock n Roll", always gave Fats Domino the credit. For the record, Elvis hated being called "The King of Rock n Roll". He always felt that that title belonged to Fats Domino, but I digress. To me, that's where our "creating rock n roll" stops. Alot of hard rock bands, like AC/DC, Led Zepplin, and the Rolling Stones, based alot of their early tunes around the blues, another one of "our creations". However; again, that too, is where it ends for "us", their earlier tunes.

Take Led Zepplin for instance, their songs "Rock N Roll" and "Dazed and Confused" were based on the old timey rock n roll and blues that blacks are credited with creating, but "Ocean" and "Kashmir" were not. Hell, "Kashmir" was built on a Middle Eastern groove. We can't take credit for that, but many of us still try. Some will listen to a fuzzed out heavy metal or hard rock tune and say, "We created all of that!". No, "we" didn't. Dave Davies of the Kinks busted the cone on his amp's speaker and turned up the volume to get that deep distortion and fuzz effect. That had absolutely nothing to do with Chuck Berry's creation. Tommi Iommi of Black Sabbath was among the first to detune his guitar to C# to get that "heavy metal" sound, and along with Led Zep's Jimmy Page, introduced the modern heavy guitar riff. Again, that had absolutely nothing to do with what Little Richard, Fats Domino, or Louis Jordan were doing or did.

For those that argue that all rock is based around the blues, try this on for size: Judas Priest is widely recognized as one of the first heavy metal bands. True, most rock is based on blues, but not heavy metal. In order to achieve their much heavier sound, which led to most modern day rock and metal, Judas Priest shed their blues influence altogether. We can't take credit for that. Sorry. Tommi Iommi and Dave Davies deserve more credit for Metallica's "Enter Sandman" than Fats Domino does. Kansas, Yes, Rush, and most of the other bands in the Prog Rock movement, built their main riffs around classical music. Chuck Berry wasn't doing that. We can take credit for the genre, but not the genres within the genre. Sure, we created "Rock Around the Clock", but not "Smells Like Teen Spirit". "Rollover Beethoven"?, yes, "Purple Haze"?, no.

True, the Wright Brothers taking that leap off of that hill in 1903, eventually led up to the development of the Stealth Bomber, but to say that the Wright Brothers invented the Stealth Bomber is laughable. That's like giving Henry Ford, who's introduction of the Model T was a major mark in automotive history, credit for the Porsche 911 Turbo. I know my brothers and sisters love to trumpet our creation of rock music, but those claims have limits, and I think it's time that we recognized those limits. Feel free to argue amongst yourselves.

2009-07-01

THE BULLYING OF THE BLACK ATHLETE  

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Well folks, it's that time of year again. You know, the time of year where Hall of Famer and arguably one of the greatest football players of all time, Jim Brown comes out to criticize popular black athletes for "not doing enough". Everyone's quick to repeat the phrase, "To whom much is given, much is required.", but as time goes by, I'm beginning to see that this only applies to the black celebrities and athletes. Black and white people are quick to ask a black athlete or actor, "What are you doing to give back?", but it's mostly his black fans. I've always wondered, do they wanna know what he's doing for the community or them personally? The white people that ask black celebrities that question, would never ask the same of Lance Armstrong. "But Lance has a foundation.", you say. Well, so does Tiger Woods! What, his doesn't count?

Jim Brown is a guy that walked the walk, as well as talked the talk, so I totally understand and appreciate his position, but at the same time, Mr. Brown needs to respect the generation gap. Things are different now, and sometimes, an athlete can't do it the same way you did. Mr. Brown's outspokenness in the 60' and 70's were very important in the movement, but that doesn't diminish Mr. Woods giving free college educations to underprivileged kids, if the aim truly is to uplift the community. I think it's somewhat of a disservice to call people out if they don't live up to your idea of giving back. As for criticizing them for not being outspoken on social issues, not everyone can do that. Everyone does things in their own way. Some guys can walk away from a woman that's agitating them, and some men can't. Jim Brown should know this more than anyone else. It's not just Jim Brown that bothers me, but it's the subsequent fallout.

Being that Jim Brown has stated these critiques for the past 4 or 5 years, the E Militant types have joined the chorus. Alot of the people that echo Brown's sentiments, usually have no freaking clue as to what the hell they're talking about, they just want to secure a seat in the "Amen corner". I recall seeing a post from an E Militant type that wondered by black celebrities were on MTV's Cribs, when there were children in Africa starving. Really?! It seems that we're the only race that doesn't ask our famous people to do things, but demand it. Who the hell are we to demand anything?! Seriously, what makes us so damn special that we can demand stuff?! When someone outside of your circle demands that you do something, how do you respond? Well then, why should they react any differently? It's like we're trying to make our black athletes and celebrities feel guilty for all of their hard work.

What's wrong with Tiger, Jordan, and others having a foundation? Seriously, what's the freaking problem with it? When they make a personal appearance, you say, "They should've cut a check.". They cut a check, you say, "They could've taken time out to show up.", and when they do both, it's still not enough! Hell, what have you E Militants done for the community?! While you're bitching and moaning about what they don't do, y'all don't even take advantage of what they do offer! Let me ask you this: There are more than 100 famous black people with foundations and scholarship funds, how many of you have reached out to them for help or applied for the scholarships for yourself or your kids? Thought so, but yet he's not doing enough.